So, in my last post I was talking about how I was trying to work out my WHY for the changes that I wanted to make.
Once I started taking the time to think about my ‘why’ BEFORE I started getting into things I could see much more clearly how some of my ideas were indeed totally doable.
I was at like a 1% upswing at this time but I wanted more, so I kept going.
I truly think that there is a place for brain dumping, making scribbled notes, setting reminders in your phone or whatever but this is a different thing entirely. This is controlled and well thought out.
One issue I have always felt I have faced and I think this is maybe because I have a large family…
I’m to busy just getting by the day by day stuff. I don’t have time to ‘plan’. I need to MOVE!
I have felt like I need to keep everything else either going completely smoothly OR hand things off to someone else so I can ‘sort my life out’.
“If only I could just get.my.act.together. If only I could stop making excuses”.
I had this light bulb moment that I was just trying to guilt myself into action. I wasn’t even thinking about what *I* wanted to do, how *I* wanted to form my days.
I’d read some post about a lady who had 6 kids and saw her in a bikini and read all about how her husband gushed about how she was the moon and the stars to him and think “poor Ben! I’ve really let myself go”.
Straight to pity station, riding the express train to lameo town. Toot! TOOT!
No encouragement, no positive talk, no edification.
I was being so down on myself whilst trying to move forward.
My panic caused inaction
My self shaming caused inaction
My worry caused inaction
It makes me think of the kids book: Wemberly Worried by Kevin Henkes. I love saying the words of the Grandmother in a funny ‘Grandma’ voice “Worry, worry, worry!” The picture of the Grandma is a little old mouse (the characters of the book are all mice). She’s wearing her super fly sweatshirt with the words GO WITH THE FLOW emblazoned on the front, holding a cane and wearing roller blades with her little glasses perched in the tip of her nose.
She looks like she hasn’t got a worry in the world!
She LOOKS like she hasn’t got a worry in the world.
That’s kind of how I have felt for a long time. Someone can APPEAR to have no worries but really……they have a lot of worries and are not really sure how to deal with ‘getting over them’.
I grew up ‘thinking’ I was highly strung and a stress head and really….I not that much of a stress head and I am not really highly strung (or reactionary) anymore.
My anxiety came from an external source and isn’t a part of me. Trauma happened to me. I am not still in it.
Taking the time to think about things and process even the hard thoughts is important and necessary for growth.
So, now that I am emerging back up from that little rabbit hole I realised that I don’t have to have a plan of ATTACK.
I only need to have a few, achievable goals.
We ain’t talking about repainting the roof, doing a 5 hour Jillian Michaels DVD or grooming a squealing pig.
Just something like – Getting up at 6am.
If I want to actually have a chance of getting up then, then I need to consider my in bed time.
I have tried plenty of times to get up early and I HAVE done it. But! It was truly a ring of fire experience! Going to bed at midnight after a 2 hour binge of Facebook ain’t going to be a blessing to the plan at 6am is it? A better plan is…..go to bed at 9pm, close eyes BEFORE 10pm. Have the alarm close by and only allow 1 snooze amount of time before you are up.
I have my clothes laid out in the lounge room the night before because James and Ben are in my room and there ain’t nobody who wants to wake up a baby who really loves his Mama!
So past Katherine would stay up really late, have the alarm at soul terrifying level and then hit the snooze button until she heard the kids up and running around.
The new ACTUAL plan is screen limit my phone to cut off by 9pm, in bed and eyes closed before 10pm. I *did* fail on this last night but the commitment to GET.UP at 6am remained strong by me visualising what I wanted to achieve before 7am (this long winded blog post) haha!
That’s all I have time for right now but I will continue the conversation soon.
