There have been many times that I have written down notes and plans and to do lists and then…..I don’t do any of it.
I end up finding all sorts of loose papers and notes and for awhile I might have given it a go but I would either over schedule myself or run out of steam to maintain it all.
So I would revert to old habits. Trying to just remember everything in my head, skimping on self care or regular bedtimes (for myself) and my wake times…..you get the drill.
Faulty thinking would occur like: “I have no control over my life, the house is dirty, the kids aren’t ‘learning enough'”.
Catastrophic thinking and then wondering why I wasn’t achieving anything.
My focus was on worldly things and I never saw how many times the measure was changed constantly. It never stayed the same and it always pointed to physical things. It never focussed on a person’s core beliefs.
So faced with the thought of “What the heck do I wan’t to do with my life” was (and still is) a REALLY big question.
Don’t forget, I was also raised in a ‘name it and claim it’ era. The wealthy pastor asking the members of the congregation to give money to “help build the kingdom”. I have watched many pastors drive fancy cars (tax perks) and enjoy Wednesdays off to play golf. The wives went to a lot of lunches and frequently got their hair done and I am in my tracksuit pants not even knowing the order of my days.
So I would be caught between these thoughts…
- I should be happy where I am and not worry about worldly success (also packaged in ‘know your place, Katie’ line of thinking)
and
2. Just try harder, collaborations, push, sleep less, sacrifice.
AND
3. Set goals and slowly move towards them in small, sustainable increments.
I want to be successful (and in many ways I already am).
To be debt free and have a lovely, clean home.
So what is the recipe? Am I willing to go all in?
I think I am.
So what is my plan?
I am first only looking at MYSELF.
Asking myself questions like, What time do I want to get up? What time do I want to go to bed, have breakfast, my free time…..What do I want to do in that free time.
My husband keeps saying to me to not try to eat the whole pie.
I am not allowing myself to go from thinking about what time I want to get up to doing a total overhaul of my whole life and menu plan for the next year.
Slow and steady.
So I guess you could say this initial step takes a lot of thinking. So think I will.
What have you been thinking bout lately?
I would love to know your thoughts.
